I am now in florida interning with the strength and conditioning coaches at the University of central florida. This is probably just a random thing and i may not keep writing much. I just came across a photo and had some memories of why i started one of these things. That led me to more thinking. Where I am today is because of the same person, I strongly believe this.I am very grateful that they helped me in moving in this direction, had it not been for them who knows where I would be... Everything brings a memory of something great...
well a lot has been missed. Not gonna get into details. Me and Meg are back together, things are hard. getting better though. at this point now things are good, some still hard. i dont get to see her often enough, or nearly as much as id like to. but i love her.
im back at school now. i feel like this will be an easier semester, and with a little motivation itll be easier. my classes are actually good this time. im taking nutrition, substance abuse, Exercise physiology ( which by the way is not an easy class), and physical conditioning. that last one is fun, you actually exercise for credits, haha.
work is goin alright, same as always i guess.
i think im playig for 2 indoor soccer teams this session, should be fun. i hope they are in different leagues so i dont have problems.
Sat, Dec. 24th, 2005, 03:24 am
im so pissed right now. someone is telling me things i probably shouldnt need to hear. apparently meg has had soem interesting convos with people about sex a lot and some concerning florida, the beach a convertible, in serious detail like its a plan or soemthing. whatevr thats not too big a deal but today was fuckin horrible. meg basically told me she needs more time apart.... ok so what now right? she wants to hook up more? To forgive me? the only problem is i think tis both, she is having fun, why didnt she have fun with me? she didnt make friends, didnt drink, and she loved me. all of a sudden i leave and she like unleashes a different person. and i dont feel like im wanted in her life anymore. its killing me and yet im still trying to get her to take me back.... i feel pathetic. not because i love her but becasue im almost begging, and she doesnt even seem to care, i feel like a piece of shit, but i shouldnt. the worst thing today is after we had a fight, i ran into her at the mall... she said hi, saw my friend hugged him and was all nice then gave me a dirty look and said tty whenever. thats it.
christmas is here.finished shopping today. my bro goes back to utah on wednesday. another person dropped out of goin to montreal for new years... nothing ever works out for me anymore. it seems as if i just ruin everything. wors tmood ever
Sun, Dec. 11th, 2005, 02:54 pm
am i crazy?
i hate this. i want so much for meg to with me again. but she doesnt even seem to want to, she doesnt want to try to work on things. she says she does but is just making more to work on. we always fight now... but i realized what we are fighting about... her hooking up with people. so if she really wants to be with me she will either stop, or just say its not gonna happen soon and we can both do what we want. she always said i wont change for anyone, but she has. she isnt the meg i knew. and i dont know if thats a good or bad thing, but the new one doesnt have my trust. im at the point were i dont know how to feel so its just a whatever feeling now.... whatever happens happens, this has gone far enough. ive been real good about this so far, but i dont kow how much more i can put up with. i cant be friends with her if im gonna try and work on things while she parties and hooks up with people, cause it wont work.
Sun, Dec. 4th, 2005, 12:13 pm
i dont know what to do. worst situation and things only seem to be getting worse. i wish someone could help me, but i cant do what others think i should do. i just cant. i dont know who to trust, i love meghan, but are my friends right? im not talking about it anymore,and im not making any decisions, im just gonna wait a while. this is soo hard, and its bringing out the worst in me.
well my thanksgiving was alright. It was smaller than usual but still ok i guess. it would have been nice for everyone who should have been there to be there but what can you do right.
i got to see meg a few times this week. the first time was hard... the second was nice, but then got hard... and saturday was just great. I love her. we just hung out but i had a great time just being with her. i think i have to wait like 3 weeks to see her again but if that what she wants then ok.
i hung out with a bunch of friends on friday. not for too long really but it was nice to see them. i gave my friend a ride home but we got talking about things and so we just hung out the two of us talking for quite a while, it was nice and very needed. It helped me a lot.
me and meg are talking again. obviously im happy about it, byut at the same time im depressed. i fucked up bad and i dont know whats happening. i want to be with her soo badly, i understand we need to take it slow but it hard. especially when im not sure if she is goin to take me back. she told me she likes new people, i dont want to be replaced, im scared ive lost her forever. we are supposed to hang out when she comes home. but i have no idea if she really wants to get beck together or just wants to maybe see. THings have definetly changed and the worst part of it is that i feel like she knows she doesnt need me anymore, and it hurts because i realize i need her. i want to feel needed again, to feel important to somebody, my life has not changed since we broke up. my friends still dont talk to me, it just made one less person in my life. but im glad to see hers changed in a good way, i only hope i can be part of it again.
Fri, Nov. 11th, 2005, 11:51 am
well im not having an easy time. i miss meghan... a lot. and it just hit me like a brick in the face. i dont even know what to say right now. i cant even find the words to explain how i feel.
Wed, Nov. 2nd, 2005, 12:44 pm
well, school isnt so great, i got a term paper due on friday i havent started and i still think im failin A&P. but othe than that things are ok... i guess. I went to a halloween party which was pretty fun, except for THE PENGUIN apparently thinks im hot. Ever seen batman? thats why we call her the penguin, nothin to do with halloween though.
I just found out that i apparently say things to make people mad at me? not sure what exactly i said wrong. but im also wondering if away messages are directed towards me... becasue i wanna know if im the asshole, liar or not. i guess thats it for today.
Wed, Oct. 26th, 2005, 12:13 am
i dont kow what is going on. meg is stopping her lj. thats the only way i know how she is doing cause she doesnt want to talk like friends. if she stops i wont know anything. I dont get the YOU WIN thing. this isnt a game or a competition. i hope its not me who "won". then i read something else that could piss me off if im right but im not gonna get into that. if all this is over some stupid comments made by people, then its stupid.